So, with all the emotions that plagued me last week, I went a searching to the reason why. Wed night, I sat alone with my Bible, notebook, open heart and pencil.
Ready.. God .. Go!
What I learned was it is not encouragement that bothers me. David encouraged himself in the Lord, the Bible says. Construction workers encouraged gold smiths in building the temple. Moses encouraged Joshua. The word encouragement means ..according to Strongs #2388, to seize, be strong, strengthen, cure, help, fortify, lean upon... I let those words sink, sink real deep.
So if it not the encouragement that has my emotions upside down .... what could it be??
In my work-out with my Melissa on Friday, she helped me work myself out. I am not mad that people are clapping per say. I am more 'not-liking' the 'looking at me'. I already have shame about what I have done to my body, and what I have not done to my body. The last thing I want is more people to look at my body. I suppose I think I hide myself, when I am quick, oh so quick, to talk about the person standing before me than myself. In fact even if they ask how I am, I change the subject to talk more about them.
Unless it is Brian, a couple of friends, my mom, or my trainer team, weight issues are few and far between discussed. I would rather talk about ANYTHING in their world than the process of getting fit. strong. lean.
Do I need healing??? Looks like it ...
What I realized is that everyone needs encouragement to accomplish God's plan. Everyone needs to hear, "Keep going!" Or as Moses says, 'Be strong and courageous,' to Joshua. In the new testament, Barnabas' (Paul's side kick for awhile) name is defined as 'Son of Encouragement.'
I need to realize that I can not hide or erase what I have become. Heal and move forward. I can only replace the horrible habits I have placed in my life. I can replace. God will redeem. I will pray. God will answer. God says yes to healthy living. God says yes to treat our bodies right. God says yes to strength. And I want to love Him with all my strength... and each little bit I gain .. I give for His service. To love Him. To serve Him.
This week, on Thursday, I meet with my trainer for a metabolic test at the hospital. We are going to see what the deal is with my body. Until then, I meet everyday with my trainers, sweating, and sweating, and sweating ...
oh yeah ... thinking that I need less wheat .. or no wheat ... will share later the discovery ..
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I so agree with all you are saying. I also like to change the subject on people! My lapband buddy came by today, ROY and I was attempting to eat a piece of cake for someone's birthday. He looked at it and then at me and said, I am going to be good today (our entire office bought in snacks and goodies for bosses' day). So after he walked away I dumped it into the trash can! Then I went to his office and thanked him....
ReplyDeleteI was wondering have you had your thyroid levels checked. Mine were fine one year (I asked the doctor to check them so I could justify my being fat) that year they were great. The next year my thyroid was almost gone. And now that is why I do struggle with weight loss. I hope you find out from your test what you need to know. And I have heard the discussions regarding wheat vs. no wheat. Can't wait to hear what you post.
Love ya!
I would define encouragment just the way you did and add it is a statement from someone who makes you feel good and is being honest with you. Trying to boost you up. Not tear you down!
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