I fall ... I am ready to give up.

Last night, was cooler than most nights. I pulled out some jeans that I have not had on since early this year. TIGHT. They are tight. Not good. I feel frumpy. Week six and the jeans from last winter are tight. My physc-y in not taking this well.

Today at noon, was work out day with Melissa, (my Millian, my trainer-dude's sister).

Today, I crashed.

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. I swallowed hard again. I blink. I hate my weakness.

During ab work, reaching 20 crunches, the ab pain is there. and so are the tears. Here they come.

She stops me and gets eye level. Compassion in her eyes. Fear in mine. I just cry. and cry. and cry. I am weak today. I am not doing this well. This is not working. The scale is not moving. I cry more and more.

Tim, the trainer-dude comes from his office, and has empathy to me. Encourages me to keep going.

We go on. We move to leg work. Step up, step down. Step up and step down. Then she pulls out the stop watch. "Let's time this." ... I no more get one set done and the tears flow again. My legs are worn. I am tired. I am exhausted. I want to give up. First time in this new work out adventure, I am ready to cave.

Tim comes again from his office and sits by me. I feel weak again! All the excuses come pouring out of me. All my justifications are voiced. All my reasons are explained.

He is not surprised. I did not catch him off guard. Week Six . Week six does this to people. Week six is the valley week. I did not know any of this. He sits by me and explains week six and how this is all normal. Tells me that I will look back on this day and reflect where I have come from. He encouraged me, his sister was comforting me. I was ready to flee! I hate my weakness. I hate what he and his sister just witnessed from me.

I leave the gym, get into the car and call my man. Tears again. He was out of town. Would not be home for a couple of hours. My daughters were all gone for the afternoon too. I went straight to bed. Came into the house and went straight to the bed..... cried .... cried .. cried myself to sleep. Slept 4 hours. straight. Woke up to Brian looking over me and then listening to my day and drying more of my tears.

Sunday is tomorrow and I rest. Monday at 4 .. is kick boxing. I have to pull myself together before then...