Journey with me ...

It is said that the average American women is size 14-16. Yep. I am average. I might even be above average!

I do not want to be average. If average means dealing, handling, coping, with the following symptoms ..

• scale movements from 140...230...185...211...173...208... in 18 years ..
  
• facial fair growing faster than my man's!
• wacked-out periods
• exhaustion ... I do not mean tired, I mean falling asleep waiting for a green light ..
• fatigue ... too tired to breathe ..
• frustration with self
• crying ...sobbing ... blubbering ... over anything and everything ...

If this is average, I want no part.

Now, don't mishear me, I am not looking at the scale and for the scale's safety wanting it to be lower in number. I want to feel GOOD. I want to live the life the Bible verse John 10:11. Life. No bounds. No chains. No regrets. Real. True. Alive.

The date July 2009. I take my symptoms to my doctor. Begging for help. Direction. A Reason. Desperate .... Yes, I was desperate.

Her solution? ??? She says, "All your test results are great. I see nothing medically wrong. So, Laurie, I want you to strength train for one whole year. Then let's see were you are."

Me?? You want me to rely on me? Do you know me? I have a track record for failure in this area. Then ... I cry ... I have already tried me... I fail me ....

Give me a pill. A cure. A reason. Sympathy. Anything, But please do not make me rely on me. You want me to journey AGAIN down the road that has led to dead end for me every time?


So, when my doctor tells me to try again, I cry. For two weeks I cry. Cry. Pray. Journal. Deny. Cry. Pray again. Eat. Think. Sob.

Then, my husband says ...."Your prescription is to strength train .... put yourself in the trainer's hands and go through the process."

I cry again .... I pray for bravery ... courage ... help... I plead ...

Then I say, "OK, 'let the experiment begin.'"