It was not 24 hours later and I have to use two hands to get off the toilet!!
My legs are not walking right. My arms ache. I lay in bed and ache so bad, I can not sleep or MOVE.
I lay in bed and talk to myself. 'No pain. No gain.' 'It is good to be sore.' 'Day one is over.' WHATEVER!!!
I get up. Ouch. Ouch. Ibuprofen. Where are you? There is one step at my house, I stare at it. I can not step. I can not move. Zombie-like walking.
My husband wants to help. Wants to rub me down. No, no, no! Please do not touch. Ouch. My man, muscle man, contractor, size 32, 175 pound man, smiles at me. Kisses me on the forehead, says, "have a good day. Keep going."
Trainer-dude told me to rest today...... Yeah, like I can do anything else?? I can not move!
I teach the girls. from a chair. I move as little as possible .... knowing that tomorrow at 8 AM my muscles are going to have to move again......
to sore to sleep .... what have I got myself into?? I think I need another doctor's opinion .. this is madness..
Showing posts with label Week One. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Week One. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Day One: Laurie Meets a Weight.
I did not sleep at all last night. Nerves. Shame. Fear. Weakness. Facing Myself.
Tuesday 8AM : Introduction: "Let's see were you are."
I know were I am .. .a .... weak .. 208 pounds ... size 16W ... cry baby!!
"We will start with kettle bells." What in the world is a kettle bell? He hands me kettle bell # 1 and shows me how to swing it. I swing it up and down and all around. I swing it to the side, now other side, in the middle, between my legs, with knees bent, with arms bent. My heart was racing, and the room was going black. I kid you not!
I had to sit down, face gone pale, white, ..... eyes were unable to focus. I rest. and rest more. shame of what I had let myself become had over taken me. tears ... unstoppable tears ... embarrassment ..
Trainer guy is good, lets me let it out and then asks me to do push ups ... he pushes me right through myself. No stopping me. (I think for one moment -- 'trainer-dude, you are what I need -- push me through me -- and not let me excuse myself out of it')
Push Ups -- 5 - I can do 5... F-I-V-E! That is it! I face my weakness as I look to the ground. More tears ...
Trainer-Guy : "Our goal is to get you where you can do anything physically you want to do."
Laurie: "I thought our goal was 70 pounds??"
Trainer-Guy: smiles and moves me back to kettle bells.
Back to kettle bells .. and getting the heart rate up ... Not sure it had been that high. EVER. I get sick. Yep, NBC's biggest loser type of sick! The show I used to watch through dinner, was in my mind as I remembered all new contestants be sick.
Thoughts of weakness, embarrassment, frustration at self, overtook my mind, my focus ....
Thinking this was the longest hour of my life, I move to ab work. Crunches .. I can crunch.. well, not long ....
an hour is over ... I am shamed. Not by trainer dude, but by my thoughts.
As I walk out the door, I hand him a check...realizing that I am paying for my own pain .. and he says .. "start a food journal .. I want to see it next time."
Tuesday 8AM : Introduction: "Let's see were you are."
I know were I am .. .a .... weak .. 208 pounds ... size 16W ... cry baby!!
"We will start with kettle bells." What in the world is a kettle bell? He hands me kettle bell # 1 and shows me how to swing it. I swing it up and down and all around. I swing it to the side, now other side, in the middle, between my legs, with knees bent, with arms bent. My heart was racing, and the room was going black. I kid you not!
I had to sit down, face gone pale, white, ..... eyes were unable to focus. I rest. and rest more. shame of what I had let myself become had over taken me. tears ... unstoppable tears ... embarrassment ..
Trainer guy is good, lets me let it out and then asks me to do push ups ... he pushes me right through myself. No stopping me. (I think for one moment -- 'trainer-dude, you are what I need -- push me through me -- and not let me excuse myself out of it')
Push Ups -- 5 - I can do 5... F-I-V-E! That is it! I face my weakness as I look to the ground. More tears ...
Trainer-Guy : "Our goal is to get you where you can do anything physically you want to do."
Laurie: "I thought our goal was 70 pounds??"
Trainer-Guy: smiles and moves me back to kettle bells.
Back to kettle bells .. and getting the heart rate up ... Not sure it had been that high. EVER. I get sick. Yep, NBC's biggest loser type of sick! The show I used to watch through dinner, was in my mind as I remembered all new contestants be sick.
Thoughts of weakness, embarrassment, frustration at self, overtook my mind, my focus ....
Thinking this was the longest hour of my life, I move to ab work. Crunches .. I can crunch.. well, not long ....
an hour is over ... I am shamed. Not by trainer dude, but by my thoughts.
As I walk out the door, I hand him a check...realizing that I am paying for my own pain .. and he says .. "start a food journal .. I want to see it next time."
Monday, July 27, 2009
Week One
The phone call ...
looking for the where to begin. I pray.
On Facebook I see a friend of a friend post about her work out. She is not a current FB friend of mine. But, I brave up post to her. "Can I bother you?," I say, "I need a trainer. You FB a lot about your workouts. Where do you go? Who do you recommend?" Then I beg her not to tell my story to anyone. I have shame. This is the most sensitive area of my life. and the doctor requires I hit it sraight on. I spill my guts to her. --- she gives me the name of a guy she knows ...
I walk into his gym. I meet her brother, my new trainer. Yep, he is big. 'trainer-looking' type of guy. 10 years younger than me. I give him all my excuses, my reasons, my justifications. I say, "My doctor says I have to train for one whole year. I am 70 pounds overweight. I am medically well enough she says."
While I am crying and spilling my stroy, I see no treadmills. No bikes. No purple and pink bouncy balls. No stair climbers. No ab machines. No scales.
I DO see lots and lots weights. dumb bells. chains hanging off of dumb bells. yep, chains. "WHAT have I got myself into?"
I leave with fear and a starting date. Here we go .... pray, Laurie, pray ..
looking for the where to begin. I pray.
On Facebook I see a friend of a friend post about her work out. She is not a current FB friend of mine. But, I brave up post to her. "Can I bother you?," I say, "I need a trainer. You FB a lot about your workouts. Where do you go? Who do you recommend?" Then I beg her not to tell my story to anyone. I have shame. This is the most sensitive area of my life. and the doctor requires I hit it sraight on. I spill my guts to her. --- she gives me the name of a guy she knows ...
I walk into his gym. I meet her brother, my new trainer. Yep, he is big. 'trainer-looking' type of guy. 10 years younger than me. I give him all my excuses, my reasons, my justifications. I say, "My doctor says I have to train for one whole year. I am 70 pounds overweight. I am medically well enough she says."
While I am crying and spilling my stroy, I see no treadmills. No bikes. No purple and pink bouncy balls. No stair climbers. No ab machines. No scales.
I DO see lots and lots weights. dumb bells. chains hanging off of dumb bells. yep, chains. "WHAT have I got myself into?"
I leave with fear and a starting date. Here we go .... pray, Laurie, pray ..
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